I asked off at work for Tuesday so I could have 3 days off in a row to dry out. You can't work when you're junk sick. You don't feel like doing anything but sit there and sweat and feel like shit.
Today it starts though. I'm out of junk, and it sounds as if even my back-up dealer has his phone cut off. Guess we'll be getting sick tonight then.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
I'm Cheating On My Dealer
That's what I feel like. We've been hooking up with "G Money" pretty regular now, but this is because Frank only wants to meet in the morning, when he actually has some shit to sell. He hasn't had stuff for 5 days now. That's fucking retarded. What dealer doesn't get stuff for his customers for a week? Your clientele gets strung out and impatient. It takes all my power not to constantly text and call him.
The good thing about G Money is he's always available to meet when I contact him...as long as it's before 11 or midnight. The bad thing is that he's selling really cut shit, and not very much of it. Frank's junk is so much better and cost effective. This sucks balls...I've blown all of my IRS return already because Frank has shit and I've had to meet with G every goddamn day just to keep from being sick. My girl has been sick for two days now, even with the junk we've got. I think our bodies were used to the good stuff for too long.
G Money is young...he MIGHT be 21 or 22, who knows. He's paranoid as shit during the day, and at night sometimes you have to wait 20 minutes to an hour for him to show up at the meeting place. Are there any dealers out there that show up early or on time? I'm guessing not since junkies need their fix and will fucking wait. It's not like dealers need sales tactics or any fucking thing. They just need to show up whenever they want and charge whatever they want and give you whatever they want.
Here, take this piece of cut with a tidbit of heroin in it. Maybe next time it'll be more balanced out. You can either get ripped off or have nothing and get sick. Your choice, asshole.
And of course, we take the really cut shit and get pissed about it.
Today he tried to pull some shit. He told my girl that a gram was 80 bucks. I go there with 80 and he wants 90...not to mention what he gives us as a "gram" is not a fucking gram. It's light and cut. Goddamn I hate it. Come on, Frank...go meet your guy and call me.
That's the problem with a dealer that has a day job and a life. There's no rush for him to actually get more junk. It's not right...but it's how it is.
Reading Nikki Sixx's "Heroin Diaries" about him in 1987, the height of his addiction. It's pretty scary...and doesn't make me want to quit any more than the nicks and cuts covering my arms and hands.
The good thing about G Money is he's always available to meet when I contact him...as long as it's before 11 or midnight. The bad thing is that he's selling really cut shit, and not very much of it. Frank's junk is so much better and cost effective. This sucks balls...I've blown all of my IRS return already because Frank has shit and I've had to meet with G every goddamn day just to keep from being sick. My girl has been sick for two days now, even with the junk we've got. I think our bodies were used to the good stuff for too long.
G Money is young...he MIGHT be 21 or 22, who knows. He's paranoid as shit during the day, and at night sometimes you have to wait 20 minutes to an hour for him to show up at the meeting place. Are there any dealers out there that show up early or on time? I'm guessing not since junkies need their fix and will fucking wait. It's not like dealers need sales tactics or any fucking thing. They just need to show up whenever they want and charge whatever they want and give you whatever they want.
Here, take this piece of cut with a tidbit of heroin in it. Maybe next time it'll be more balanced out. You can either get ripped off or have nothing and get sick. Your choice, asshole.
And of course, we take the really cut shit and get pissed about it.
Today he tried to pull some shit. He told my girl that a gram was 80 bucks. I go there with 80 and he wants 90...not to mention what he gives us as a "gram" is not a fucking gram. It's light and cut. Goddamn I hate it. Come on, Frank...go meet your guy and call me.
That's the problem with a dealer that has a day job and a life. There's no rush for him to actually get more junk. It's not right...but it's how it is.
Reading Nikki Sixx's "Heroin Diaries" about him in 1987, the height of his addiction. It's pretty scary...and doesn't make me want to quit any more than the nicks and cuts covering my arms and hands.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
New Year, Same Drug
My arms look like shit. I guess this goes without saying.
So, here we are, 2010. We're starting to really tire of our current dealer and his odd hours. I don't understand how a dealer can not be available for 10 minutes to make 100 bucks. What the fuck, Frank. What kind of dealer does that shit? "Call me later." I call later. "In a couple of hours." A few hours pass. "Don't have any movies right now. Try me in the morning." Goddammit...another sweaty night where I wake up every hour and try to air out the junk stink.
We got a new lead today from a fellow user. We have a semi-lead of a dealer that sells wholesale. We'll see if either of these turn into something solid.
When you are between scores you don't think of anything but shooting up. It's looking a bit bleak, my addiction. We discovered recently that we can quit if we have to. That's because Frank was unavailable for almost a week, which was not fun.
I think we'll get the hook up tomorrow morning. We'll see.
So, here we are, 2010. We're starting to really tire of our current dealer and his odd hours. I don't understand how a dealer can not be available for 10 minutes to make 100 bucks. What the fuck, Frank. What kind of dealer does that shit? "Call me later." I call later. "In a couple of hours." A few hours pass. "Don't have any movies right now. Try me in the morning." Goddammit...another sweaty night where I wake up every hour and try to air out the junk stink.
We got a new lead today from a fellow user. We have a semi-lead of a dealer that sells wholesale. We'll see if either of these turn into something solid.
When you are between scores you don't think of anything but shooting up. It's looking a bit bleak, my addiction. We discovered recently that we can quit if we have to. That's because Frank was unavailable for almost a week, which was not fun.
I think we'll get the hook up tomorrow morning. We'll see.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Black Friday
Today thousands of fucking people waited out in the cold in the middle of the night to save a few bucks on useless bullshit.
I kept thinking all day today, "Hey, why doesn't my dealer offer a special today? Come on, Frank, how about 2 for 1?"
You may have noticed the name of my dealer changed. Well, it's been a while since I've posted a blog...7 months...
When someone writes about drugs and takes a 7 month hiatus, it usually means the writer cleaned up or died. Well, I didn't do either one. I'm in the same stupid position where I love junk but I hate the sickness and the lack of funds.
Our previous dealer "went away", so he referred us to another dude..."Frank". Frank is much better than Vince. He actually acts like a drug dealer. He'll meet you when he says he'll meet you. He doesn't need someone to drive him around, and he doesn't just lie for no reason. He's straight with you, for the most part.
He's an odd one...a daytime dealer. He must have a wife and kids (kids are confirmed). Lately, we've been having to meet earlier and earlier.I know East 7th Street better than any other area of Austin due to the past few months of dealing with Frank.
I have to work tomorrow...I wonder if Frank is working too. Well,if he is, I'll get a text from him, and maybe we'll have the money to get a half. Otherwise, I'm taking the meds we acquired that takes care of junk sickness.
It's sad how the prescription medication that fights withdrawalymptoms is more expensive and harder to get than heroin itself. Explain that one to me. You want junkies to get better, then quit putting up road blocks,dick licks. Nicorette gum and the patch cost more than cigarettes,so smokers keep killing themselves.
Addicts stay hooked, and drug companies get richer. It's the way of the world, what can you do?
Anyway, I'm back.
I kept thinking all day today, "Hey, why doesn't my dealer offer a special today? Come on, Frank, how about 2 for 1?"
You may have noticed the name of my dealer changed. Well, it's been a while since I've posted a blog...7 months...
When someone writes about drugs and takes a 7 month hiatus, it usually means the writer cleaned up or died. Well, I didn't do either one. I'm in the same stupid position where I love junk but I hate the sickness and the lack of funds.
Our previous dealer "went away", so he referred us to another dude..."Frank". Frank is much better than Vince. He actually acts like a drug dealer. He'll meet you when he says he'll meet you. He doesn't need someone to drive him around, and he doesn't just lie for no reason. He's straight with you, for the most part.
He's an odd one...a daytime dealer. He must have a wife and kids (kids are confirmed). Lately, we've been having to meet earlier and earlier.I know East 7th Street better than any other area of Austin due to the past few months of dealing with Frank.
I have to work tomorrow...I wonder if Frank is working too. Well,if he is, I'll get a text from him, and maybe we'll have the money to get a half. Otherwise, I'm taking the meds we acquired that takes care of junk sickness.
It's sad how the prescription medication that fights withdrawalymptoms is more expensive and harder to get than heroin itself. Explain that one to me. You want junkies to get better, then quit putting up road blocks,dick licks. Nicorette gum and the patch cost more than cigarettes,so smokers keep killing themselves.
Addicts stay hooked, and drug companies get richer. It's the way of the world, what can you do?
Anyway, I'm back.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
This Sucks
Scraping together enough money for a half. 50 bucks worth of junk split two ways. This basically can be stretched out to one normal hit for us a day for three days. Tomorrow is the last one.
Nothing like using just to get by instead of getting high.
I see why junkies commit crimes and steal from friends and family. You run out of money and the sick hits you. You get desperate and stupid.
I'd like to go to a pawn shop and get an estimate on how much of the stuff in the store was sold by people who needed drug money. It's got to be over half of the shit in there.
"And I say welcome to my sty
Throw my shoe, turn light out
Come on in, get high
Don't mind piss-filled bottles
Hack and cough, I write
Peppered walls I spit out
And my future looks bright..."
Nothing like using just to get by instead of getting high.
I see why junkies commit crimes and steal from friends and family. You run out of money and the sick hits you. You get desperate and stupid.
I'd like to go to a pawn shop and get an estimate on how much of the stuff in the store was sold by people who needed drug money. It's got to be over half of the shit in there.
"And I say welcome to my sty
Throw my shoe, turn light out
Come on in, get high
Don't mind piss-filled bottles
Hack and cough, I write
Peppered walls I spit out
And my future looks bright..."
Monday, March 23, 2009
Update
It's been a month since I've posted anything. I guess I didn't want to repeat myself since everything is still the same. I'm poor...I'm doing junk...I run out of money...I go through withdrawals...I'm miserable...I get junk...I'm better.
This week I finally created my own paraphernalia, my own "gear", if you will. I took one of the shittiest spoons in my apartment and bent the end of it so it would prop up at an angle to hold more water without spillage. I then filed down the edge of the bent handle to be used for cutting off pieces of junk. The bent end also allows the spoon to be carried in the same space as an unused needle. Now I'm all set to be a junkie on the go.
We got word that a friend of a friend has a different connection, and the stuff he's getting is GOOD. I'm a bit skeptical, but hell, I'll give it a shot. Bad pun.
I'm getting too hooked on what I'm shooting now, anyway. My tolerance is up too high to get that initial rush that got me into this shit in the first place. I hope the new connection's goods are as primo as it's supposed to be. I'd like to get high for hours with one hit again instead of having to do 2 or 3.
This week I finally created my own paraphernalia, my own "gear", if you will. I took one of the shittiest spoons in my apartment and bent the end of it so it would prop up at an angle to hold more water without spillage. I then filed down the edge of the bent handle to be used for cutting off pieces of junk. The bent end also allows the spoon to be carried in the same space as an unused needle. Now I'm all set to be a junkie on the go.
We got word that a friend of a friend has a different connection, and the stuff he's getting is GOOD. I'm a bit skeptical, but hell, I'll give it a shot. Bad pun.
I'm getting too hooked on what I'm shooting now, anyway. My tolerance is up too high to get that initial rush that got me into this shit in the first place. I hope the new connection's goods are as primo as it's supposed to be. I'd like to get high for hours with one hit again instead of having to do 2 or 3.
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