3 Days

That's how long it takes me to get over the major withdrawals of junk.

I had to see my probation officer. What sucks is they only drug test once or twice a year, and there's no telling when that will be. They shouldn't test me at all because I'm on probation for alcohol, not drugs. But, it is what it is.

I give myself 4 1/2 days before meeting him. Day one is all negative anticipation. You know it's coming, but you don't know when it's really going to hit you. At the tail end of day one, there it is. The cold sweats...the upset stomach and diarrhea...staying in bed all day and night, waking up every other hour.

Day two is when it all peaks. It's when I'm the most miserable. I start thinking about how I can get a hit or I start justifying how I won't get tested.

Day three I start feeling like I can do things again. I see being normal is coming down the road. I'm almost there. Day three is when I start eating again, so I at least get my energy back.

And day four I think I can do okay without ever shooting up again.

But of course, I do...right after my meeting is over.