Symptoms Have Moved Up In Their Schedule

My clothes cling to my body due to the light layer of cold sweat all over me. I get uncomfortably warm and then cold. I try to act like I'm normal, but I can't stop thinking about getting another hit.

What's shitty is that this is hitting me just a little over 24 hours from the last hit. This normally hits me over two days later...the symptoms are stepping up.

The next two weeks won't be fun. Money is tight right now due to paying rent, and my girlfriend has bills she can't put off. Yeah, this is going to suck. We were able to get a half today, which comes to 3 hits each for us...we'll do two tonight and one tomorrow so that she can get through work and I can get through the day.

Thank You, Netflix

The convenience and pricing of Netflix allows me to feel perfectly fine with selling a bunch of DVDs that I just don't watch anymore, because if I want to see "The Royal Tenenbaums" again, I can get it in a couple of days. Apple Computer has done the same thing for me in regards to CDs because I have all the songs on my computer at home, at work and on my iPod. Also, you can get any song you want to listen to just about in the "Music" section of Myspace if you haven't noticed. Unlimited playlists are great.

Fuck the CDs and DVDs...I want junk.

Thievery

One of the major signs that you have a drug problem is when you steal in order to pay for your drug habit. Usually a junkie takes things from their friends or family because it's quick and easy...and they have no regard for anyone but themselves and getting their fix.

My girlfriend and I are not like that. I hope we never get to that point. Those type of addicts are unemployed and homeless. We pay our bills on time and each have a full time job. However, we dabble in shoplifting. Okay, not "dabble"...we steal on a regular basis.

We mainly take groceries because not paying for food lets us spend that money, of course, on junk. We probably wouldn't do it as much if it weren't so easy. You take actual food...stay away from alcohol or items in the pharmacy section. Those are the most heavily watched as bad thieves go for that shit. No punk thug wannabe or bored teenager is going to 5-finger discount a loaf of bread.

What you do is take those bags they sell that you can use instead of paper or plastic. Go to the grocery store during a really busy time, like 5 or 6 pm weekdays or in the afternoon on a weekend. You walk through the store and fill your green bags to a reasonable level. I usually do 1 or 2 bags...any more and you'll probably draw attention and have the employees wondering why you didn't grab a cart. When you're done, you casually work your way to the side of all the check-out lines and head to one of the entrances where there is a greeter. They don't usually check people's receipts as they leave, so you can just stroll on by. We've never been stopped.

If you do get asked for a receipt, just keep walking. They can't touch you or physically stop you from leaving. Even security guards can't lay a hand on you...only the police can. You may want to make sure there's no cop car around if you're truly paranoid.

This is just a blog telling you what we do, but it's not me encouraging you to commit a crime. Stealing is wrong...at least that's what the Bible says.

Sure, I'l Take Another One

A friend needed a place for he and a buddy to shoot up. At first, I didn't really like the idea of turning my place into a "drug den"...but when you're offered a hit just for the use of your kitchen, you gotta say yes.

The downside is that the junk sickness has been put off to coincide with my family gathering. Actually, I'm usually miserable there anyway...might as well feel like shit, too.

Nodding Off..

...at work. I'm averaging 3-4 hours of sleep this week. We ended up getting junk last night too...we're finally done until next week. I see myself crashing early tonight if I can make it through work.

I've been doing the stuff every day for a week...It's going to be bad tomorrow...and the next day. I'll be sure and describe how I feel. Today, just tired. I still have the shit in my system, so no cravings.

A Good Night

Yesterday was supposed to be a last hoorah until payday (the 26th). It was the last of the money I was willing to spend on smack. But alas, my girl surprised me with a half tonight. (A half is $50 of junk...do I know the official amount? No, I'm not that keen on measurements).

Fun dope-filled night. Heroin, cigarettes and coffee...that's our ritual.

I'll get a few hours of sleep tonight and make it through work tomorrow. I do great customer service with a junk hangover.

We're unfortunately done with fun money after tonight, though. That means Thursday night's withdrawals should suck.

The Song Is True

"He's never early...he's always late...first thing you learn is that you always have to wait..."

I have the best relationship with my dealer. I don't know his real name, and he doesn't know anything but my first name. He uses a different name for each of the drugs he sells...that way when you call and ask for "Gary", he knows you're buying coke. The guy is smart.

He is also fair with his product and price. I hope he doesn't get busted for a long time...because I don't know how to get junk any other way. I don't want to buy it from some scumbag in an alley...doesn't sound very safe.

My dealer (I'll call him Vince) and I talk for about 30 seconds on the phone and about a minute in person. We learn a little bit about each other each time as we have small talk, never actually referring to what we're exchanging in our hands.

Sometimes he'll ask for feedback on the product. "Is this batch better than the last" and so on. Rarely, though...He knows junkies we'll buy it regardless of how cut it is.

How To Start...

I chose to be anonymous on this profile so that I could talk openly about my new drug of choice. I am currently on probation for alcohol-related arrests, so it's in my best interest to keep my name and details off of this profile and blog altogether.

I've been a heavy drinker for years. I love the bar scene in my city, and sitting in a smoky room filled with booze is one of my favorite things in the world. The lifestyle has taken its toll, however. As I mentioned previously, I'm on probation due to a number of public intoxication and driving under the influence arrests. Because of this, I don't go out like I used to. I'm in my 30's now, so it is probably a good thing I started to slow down.

When it comes to other substances besides alcohol, I never had much interest. Pot makes me more aware of personal failures, so I rarely have a desire to smoke that shit. Coke is...eh. It lets you stay up longer and drink, but I don't like having to talk to the asshole who has the coke just to get another bump.

I've dabbled in pills over the past couple of years, but it wasn't really anything I was crazy about. Then, last year, I tried heroin.

Yum.

The first obstacle for me was the whole needle thing. I had my friend who uses shoot me up in the beginning...and I wouldn't look at my arm. Hell, no! I was scared shitless.

But then, it happened. It was like that feeling you get after your first couple of tattoos. You start liking the pain, and you want more. It also didn't hurt that mainlining junk gives you that...rush. I shoot myself up now.

I don't get high every day. I can go without H for several days, although the first 48 hours without it aren't what I would call pleasant.

There is such a stigma with heroin. I thought it would be a really big deal and immediately turn into a self-loathing junkie like you see in the movies. It isn't that serious. It is like anything else...moderation is key. Don't spend your rent money or food money on it. It's also not very expensive if you have the right hookup. It's bout the same amount of money you would spend for you and a friend to go out boozing it up at a club.

It's just weird, though. Hanging out with musicians and other entertainment industry people...they'll talk about the different drugs they do or have done, but nobody really brings up heroin. And I know some of them have to have done it, or they are currently doing it.

I am aware, of course, the body count tied to junk. I don't know why I think I'll be able to continue using without experiencing permanent damage to my body or life. Maybe I just don't care right now. My girlfriend and I both are enjoying ourselves, so I guess until it becomes a problem, I'll continue to shoot 'em up.

One thing I find interesting is that I've really cut down on my drinking since I started on junk. I've only been drunk 3 times in the past month. I've been getting to work on time or early because of this...That's always been my one problem in my job, and now I"m finally improving on that. Thank you, heroin. Heh.

So that's how we'll begin. It's time for me to get another hit, so I'm going to go enjoy the rest of my day off.